Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
