It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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