im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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