why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
