obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
