Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
