Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
