Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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