i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
