weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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