just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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