This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
