Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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