i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
