that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
