I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
