Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
