nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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