someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
