Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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