In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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