"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize