Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I understand Curling. That high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize