Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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