Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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