I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
