I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
