Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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