i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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