One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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