I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
