walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
