just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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