real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
