yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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