she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
