He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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