the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
