She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
