Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
