i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i out mim tonsoeep
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