I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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