I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
