this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
