I am in a vortex of obligation.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
