Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
