Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
