I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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