Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
