just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it because I queefed?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize