Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
