If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
