This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
