some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
