So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
