So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize