jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
