if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
