How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize