just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
