i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you traded sex for a burrito?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
