**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
