conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Enjoy the penises
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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