no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
