Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
