problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
