I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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