You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
