I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
