So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
