you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
