Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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