I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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