So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
