just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
