dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were trust falling into bushes
I came so hard my ears popped.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize