So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
