So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
