he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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