So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
