the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
