You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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