apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
