So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize