He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize