i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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