I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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